Blurry Mind

Bread and Cakes and Cookies

2011-10-04T03:56:00.002+02:00

I can only have gluten free food.

It has to do with a medical condition I got.

I'm used to it, and went through the rebellious part where I ate what I shouldn't and tested my limits.

Now the limits are well defined.

My stomach is sensitive even to milk at large quantities. there are better days and not so great days.

It's a pain to have to keep baking your own bread, and not being able to buy bread at the supermarket. Not to mention checking every thing you eat to see if it contains wheat and such.

You get used to it, but it doesn't mean you like it. I don't.

Here in Singapore, it's double-trouble. It seems that the awareness to Coeliacs (people with my condition) is very very low. That means I have to be extra careful, and even so, I am never completely sure my diet is strictly kept.

With not enough time (or will) to prepare every bit of food I ingest, there is no sure way here to abide my diet.

Back in Israel, the law marks food as having gluten in it. It's a big boon. Didn't quite understood it till now.

Now I know.

First post on the go

2011-07-22T12:49:00.001+03:00

First time posting from my phone, so it's going slower, and maybe without pictures.
So, some time has passed since my last post.
Can't even remember what I wrote.. In any case, things are same same. Still in Singapore, got back to my previous job, living from weekend to weekend, dreaming of more.
Lately I've been giving some thought to career change. On top of starting a sort of online business, I've been looking into an old dream of mine, to become a pilot.
Not a cheap affair, but it never was.
When I think about it, aside from being an old dream, its also back to thrill chasing for me, as I find my life more boring than I intended.
Wish me luck!

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Post flight, with Redbull

2011-04-25T09:36:00.000+03:00

Back at Singapore, after an accumulated 16 hours flights (going to Europe from Israel, then doubling back to Singapore). Can't say it's a great experience..

And I love flights!

Maybe I'm growing softer as the time goes by. More spoiled? I don't know.

I still dream of going on long hikes, even if it means 20 hours on a plane and more than that on a bus.

Always loved good hotels, but my trips are more urban these days. I take responsibility though: it's up to me to plan a more adventurous, rural trip.

I feel like I let myself grow slack. not challenging my body, and not challenging my mind and soul.

Best way to deal with it is to set a plan and go with it.

Wish me luck!

Tsunami and how it looks

2011-03-26T16:21:00.001+02:00

The next four photos are of Sendai Airport, about 300 kilometers from Tokyo:

Bad Stomach

2010-10-15T01:23:00.003+02:00

Lately my stomach has been acting up again.

It's not out of the usual, but there are periods of time that are worse than others, and it is quite unpleasant.

When your body starts acting up, even doctors don't always have much to do. For me, doctors seems more and more as blind men feeling their way around. They know where some of the furniture items are located in the room, but more than a little, they smash their toes against different corners.

After trying western medicine, I went to TCM. To be honest, I did not stick with it for long, but as far as I did - it didn't do much help.

Now the next step is a detoxification diet followed by food additives. Woo Hoo.

Diets are more difficult for me, as I am already on a constant one. So any more restrictions, just makes me pissed.

But my stomach might win this argument. It's still better to feel good than to eat good.

I'll wait and see.

Depressions

2010-09-09T06:21:00.002+03:00

They come to me sometimes unexpectedly, or sometimes triggered or enhanced by an argument or a fight.

Now it's the holidays for the most part. It drops on me like a heavy cloth of thick fabric. Heavy feeling in my chest, smile wiped from my face, feeling like you want to cry, just on the verge of crying.

Some sounds are made sharper, some are swallowed into the background.

All I want is to go home and crawl under a blanket to shut the world away. And I cannot. Life goes on. Work goes on. Got to eat, got to pay expenses. Got to live. Dying is not an option.

Top of the World

2010-08-17T05:57:00.004+03:00

Got me a new job. Sitting at the 26th floor of a building.

It's the first time I worked at a place that's so high. Nor always dressed in a suit (minus a jacket)

I take it as an experience. They say clothes make the person, or the other way around?

But it does feel different being well dressed for work. I'm not sure whether its due to feeling snazzy, or to something else.. time will tell.

Is this existence all there is, or is there more?

Sweating Bullets

2010-08-09T15:24:00.000+03:00

Being in a tropical country is cause for sweating.

Here every day is a new sweaty day. Some evenings its cooler, sometimes its almost as hot.

Sitting here without a shirt and letting the fan cool me off.. what else can I do.

People here move from fan to A/C to fan, to street, to A/C. For me it brought a virus infection, but it's also my weak immune system.

Tropical however, also mean rain, and quite often. I like that. Rain is one of my life favourites. Especially when I'm indoors.. but sometimes I do feel like going out and getting all wet :)

(Almost) All my bags are packed..

2010-05-31T14:19:00.000+03:00

It is said that I should be more psyched, and get excited, scared, or just generally more worried towards this big move.

Well, I chose not to. All in the line of keeping my worry level to a minimum as long as I can.

Of course, my sub-concsious is another matter. At night I grind my teeth and feel the results when I wake up, as well as strained muscles from over-active dreams and flailing.

During the day, I actually look forward to it. It is a great adventure for me to pack up all my belongings, and uproot myself to another place, another culture, so far away from what I know.

I keep myself optimistic and keep reminding myself that where-ever life takes me, it's going to be a good place. both for my soul and for my body.

The fear of change is always lurking behind the shadows, but I will not let it hold me back. Talking about change is cheap, getting the courage and resolution to actually perform a change - that's the real big test.

Signaling Defficiency

2010-05-04T11:45:00.001+03:00

Here in Israel, A lot of people seems to be having trouble with using signaling lights in their cars.

For me it's somewhat of a mystery. Maybe because I took a while to get my license, or maybe because I know how important it is to keep signaling even when there's no one else on the road to see it.

I remember going on a short car ride with my brother, and when he entered my parents neighborhood, or even before, he "lost" his ability to signal.

When I commented to him about it, he said "it's just in the neighbourhood and it's safe".

Well, laws of traffic don't change inside any urban area. and when you stop signaling in one place it gives an opening for doing the same in other places.

A lot of people drive here like they're on a cross-country rally race. Speeding and slowing and weaving (without signaling of course) in and out of lanes. The laws of traffic seem to pass them by as does common sense.

I seen first hand what this can cause. I had an accident happen in front of my eyes because one of those insane people cut in front of me to bypass a car in the right lane, and crashed head on into a car that did an emergency stop so as to avoid hitting a kid who crossed the road on his bike.

Even after he hit the car, the guy went out of his car and went to the old man sitting shocked in the car he just hit, trying to shift the blame to the kid that crossed the road.

If he wasn't driving so fast with no regard to anyone, that accident could have been avoided. I was lucky to keep good distance so I could brake in time to avoid hitting them both.

Sometimes I think these people drive their cars with a death wish in their hearts.

Blurry Mind

2010-02-24T12:07:00.000+02:00

I have been battling with this fatigue for so long. They say that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is diagnosed only after at least 6 months of continued unexplained tiredness and fatigue.

Well, I have been like that for way way way more than half a year. Blood tests show nothing is wrong. Eye tests (so far) show everything's fine. And it makes me wonder sometimes how much of an hypochondriac I must seem to people.

But I know how I feel. and I cannot (I wish I could) shrug it away and get on with my life. It actually affects my life too much to be able to ignore it.

So I continue with tests, and I still go to work because I cannot take too many sick days without losing my job.

And the doctors they don't know. the more time passes the more I see how clueless they really are. Like little boys with toys.

She's Back!

2010-02-18T13:20:00.000+02:00

G is back! Woo Hoo!

I picked her up from the airport this morning, and we had fun opening some of the stuff she brought back.

It was great to see her again. She didnt have a crappy flight for a change, and was in a good mood.

She got me a new watch and a new pair of sneakers. (Photos will follow at a later date)

Life is better now. May it stay that way :)

Relationships

2010-02-13T22:38:00.001+02:00

Never been good at those. Probably for lack of experience.

Making mistakes seems to be the thing I do "best" in them.

It's mostly for lack of thinking, or selfishness. I could always blame it on my ADD, but it just doesn't cut it really.

I think it's like a monster in me that's trying to rebel. against what? against conformity maybe. against being tied up or domesticated. and it's not like I'm not. for the most part I am. domesticated that is. damn, it doesnt read that good.

But I do want a place to call home that includes more than just me in it. I want someone to take care of, and that want and does care for and of me.

So I keep on trying, and as I try I still make mistakes, but I also learn. sometimes not fast enough, or not well enough.

新年快樂

Falling apart

2010-01-31T14:08:00.003+02:00

Thanks to James W Johnson

Lately my body feels like falling apart. My eye got bloody over night, I went thru small surgery and got stitches, and now I broke a piece of my nail and had to cut it off. Also, I suspect its time to change the number on my prescription glasses.

Small stuff, but together it tends to remind me the fragile character of this flesh, bones and blood exterior we carry around and rely upon.

I tend to take it for granted, but now and then I stop and have a short moment of enlightenment as to how lucky I really am. Even with my celiac, short eye sight, and stomach problems, I am still mostly healthy. Got all my limbs and important organs intact.

So thank you god for that. and thanks for the luck I got. It's not always what I want, but most of the time, it's what I need.

Nanu Nanu

2010-01-06T17:35:00.006+02:00

Been watching a lot of "Mork & Mindy" lately. Can you tell?

Love it. The first season was great. The second season was tailored for younger crowd and slumped some, but I still like it.

Robin Williams is a one man circus, and the other actors are basically supporting roles (mostly) to help him deliver the jokes.

I bet (if) he looks back on this show's episodes he wonders "I really was that skinny once? and whats with that hair? what was I thinking?!" But he still smiles.

For myself I see the sadness in him. even with the crazyness and all the joking, he always striked me as a sad person. using humor to hide his sadness and drawing from people laughter the encouragement he needed in life.

I dont know that for a fact, its just a feeling.

That, and he is known to be bi-polar.

My Hero Dream

2009-12-10T09:51:00.002+02:00

I woke up today after having a long dream which was an heroic adventure.

It was my first hero dream (as far as I remember).

I was on a commercial flight. Then some fighter planes (or smaller planes) started chasing us aiming to bring us down. Somehow the pilot/s were out and I had to take over the plane and try and bring us to safety.

I did some evasive manuvering (as much as possible considering it was a big airliner), and then spotted two smaller civilian passanger planes. I knew that the fighters in pursuit will go after them as well, so I went under one of them and let it piggyride on my plane, and then went under the second one and piggyrided it above the first one.

With two airplanes stacked on top of my airplane, I was heavy and had to land somewhere.

I went slowly circling above a big city, and started going on smaller and smaller circles, till I saw a big street which even though it didnt have a long road that could be considered as a makeshift runway, seemed suitable for me to touch ground.

so I circled smaller and smaller, and then stalled the plane as I was about to touch ground. I hit the ground, but not too hard, and the two stacked planes kind of fell off and skidded in two directions. one of them ended at the end of the street, the other went into a building.

Some people were injured, and from the one that went into a building I seen a girl walk out, and a guy was lying in a puddle with some blood. As it seemed, a piece of his head was sliced off, exposing his skull and brain. but he was getting up and even talking and concious.

Weird.

Bloody Rage

2009-12-08T11:14:00.003+02:00

Today started nicely. It rained, and I love the rain.

Then I arrived at work, and it all spiraled downhill from there.

The feeling inside me is like a breathlessness and anxiousness and impatience and simple rage all at the same time.

It makes it that much harder to handle calls, or people in the course of the workday.

I need to hold myself so as not to yell at them and/or storm out and just get away.

Taking deep breaths helps for a short while, but if I keep taking deep breaths all I'll get is hyperventilation and dizzyness as a result of too much exygen in my blood.

GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

Making a buck (online)

2009-11-26T16:53:00.002+02:00

Even with my recent pay raise, I'm on the quest for more money. That includes taking private jobs, and also looking online for things I can do from home or work.

As I cannot spend too much time on it, and I want the flexibility of choosing when to work, I started looking at PTR (Pay-to-read), PTC (Pay-to-click), and survey sites.

All those give you small amounts of cash per email read, links clicked on, and surveys filled.

Also, I found a product testing site, that lets you test products (daah..) and get paid for it, as well as (optionally) keep the product (not every time).

It's small things, but now at least I started. Moved from research to actual work.

Wish me luck!

Prague

2009-11-03T14:08:00.002+02:00

Nature Films

2009-10-22T09:23:00.003+02:00

Nature movies are the thing of now. Since I got me a media streamer and a (somewhat) HD television set, the prettiest thing to watch on tv is nature films.

My mom said it best: it looks like the picture pops out at you. Animal chases, vast areas, natural disasters and events - all look so much better.

For me its also a bit of a substitute to travel. If I cannot afford the time or money to go to all those wonderful places, at least I can watch them from the comfort of my home. A poor (somewhat) man's solution.

Rain comes only at night

2009-10-06T11:35:00.003+02:00

Rain comes only at night lately. At best it comes in early morning.

It pisses me off. I want rain for hours. to clean the streets, clear the mind, drench and wash away so many things. The dust, the dirt, the hot-headedness all to be washed away. far far away.

I think this country would be a lot better with much more water in it. It would create a shift in the mind of people. Sun turns you hot and hasty, Rain turns you colder and thoughtful.

There was a news piece about the threat of Tsunami that may hit Israel. As imminent as a big earthquake as the two seem to be linked together, and an earthquake is due in this decade.

I remember back in highschool how I ran in the rain. I had a free period, and I just went out to the court and started running around in the pouring rain. It made me smile then, as it makes me smile now as I remember it.

Rain is not all good. and it can get old really fast. But for now, what I want is lots of rain.

Air Lines

2009-10-01T16:29:00.002+02:00

I love traveling. When I used to travel in the past, the airline I chose was of no real consequence to me. As long as I got there in one piece, I was happy.

It's either my age that made me more picky or it might be that the quality of airline service that decreased with time. Either way, even big airlines have dissapointed me in my last flights. No matter if it was far off destinations, or shorter 2-5 hours flights.

Thing is, my choice of airline is limited more by the price than by anything else. I choose the cheaper ones, and I get lemons.

I hope that in my next flight I'll be able to use some frequent flyer miles to upgrade and have a more enjoyable experience.

Lacking Money sucks.

New Rain

2009-09-13T10:51:00.003+03:00

Rain came back today. it was about 2 or 3 AM that a shower of rain washed over the city and cleaned it. Well, not completely, but its a start.

There's this smell of after the rain. I know it's dust being lifted from the ground by the force of the falling rain. I also know the smell of after-rain that you get after a few days of showers. That really clean air. Still waiting for that one.

Dust is darn abundant here. It's one of the things that makes me dislike if not hate the city I live in. Israel as a whole is dusty, but there are cleaner places then this city.

Plus people don't really seem to care. They don't care that their environment is getting more difficult to breathe in, that pulmonary diseases become more common by the day, that even coughing is more and more common.

Everyone loves complaining, while sitting on their comfy chairs and doing nothing but blowing air out and sucking air in. I'm not exempt from that.

We kill ourselves. Little by little every single day. We delude ourselves like nothing will happen to us. Things like that happen to other people. Not to us.

Only we're all together on the same globe. Butterfly effect and all that jazz.

What we think happens only to other people, those other people think only happens to us. And both us and those other people are right.

I think it's why I love rain. It gives us some reprieve. Maybe the illusion, that things are still okay. That earth mends itself, and that we didnt manage to completely crap it all up as yet.

And then I have this cough that doesnt go away.

Direction

2009-08-24T10:38:00.006+03:00

How do you find a direction in life? how do you make decisions? and most importantly, how do you know you made the right decisions?

Someone once told me there are no wrong decisions. Any decision, eventually leads to something, and so you keep moving in your dynamic life (unless of course that decision leads to death).

Do any of you talk to god? I don't talk to him, but I try and find some higher guidance. From within my head. If god is energy, and matter is also made of energy, then god is in everything. Myself included.

So far, no answers. Still waiting. Searching, asking, moving slowly through life.

The same person told me, that no decisions leads to something as well. And in a hand writing test I took some years ago, I was told that decision making is a big issue with me. Duh.

Is it the fear of resolve? Is it just my somewhat transient character? Always had a difficult time telling.

Cough Cough

2009-08-19T10:05:00.004+03:00

I've been coughing over the last two weeks or so. it bloody sucks!

Not that I have anything against lung-based coughs. what's a better way to clear your system?

Plus there's that charming effect of timber in the chest.

Why don't I go see a doctor? I've lost my faith in them. I'm a doctor's veteran. I've been to so many tests that there should be a test named after me!

And yet, they cannot seem to find what's wrong. Other than hinting that it must be psychological rather than physical - other wise, they would have found it already.. or would they?

Basically, they're all quacks. At least all the ones I tried. I must admit, I can be a difficult patient. Medical Diets for instance - a big NO for me. I'm already practicing one from infanthood, and it's plenty for me. Any more, regardless of whether it's supposedly good for me, will bring my spirits down, and that by itself will make the whole thing redundant.

I guess I'm looking for the miracle drug that will solve all my woes. got any?

Too much food

2009-08-17T10:03:00.004+03:00

I went to a farewell shindig (always wanted to use this word) at work, and made the mistake out of lack of choice to go before having lunch.

And so, I munched there, and then I munched my own lunch, and now I feel like humpty-dumpty. Or budha.. only I dont want my stomach rubbed.

I always know what will happen, and I always fail to stop myself in time, and over-do it. My stomach is much smaller than my apetite, and I pay for it with this uncomfortable feeling of bloatedness.

It is basically "with the food comes the apetite". I start eating, and it fuels my apetite to the point where I only stops when I feel full. And naturally, that's way too late in the game.

My theory is that my stomach expanded over time. Back when it was smaller, I used to get filled up pretty fast, and stop. and now It doesn't gage how much food it needs correctly any more.

Bummer.

Solar Energy

2009-08-10T10:33:00.005+03:00

Solar and other renewable energy sources are the future of the human race.

That is not just me, that is the opinion of a lot of smarter people than I.

Without a shift in thinking that should have started some years ago, the oil will run out, and the human race will be left with no available energy.

That energy is needed not just to power the ipods, and make televisions work.. it's essential to run hospitals, run cars, and keep our society stable and in order.

With the oil all depleted, and with a population surpassing 10 billion people, riots will start, famine will follow and wars. Natural selection and the demise of the economy will plunge humans into self destruction to bring the population down. Can you imagine only 1-2 percent of the population remaining?

We're just about at what is called "The oil peak". It means that the oil wells reached the peak of their capabilities. And from here, the direction is down. When oil reserves end, our society will change completely.

Unless of course, the people in power take their heads out of the sand and start implementing emergency means to pre-empt. Such as reduction in energy consumption by law, and funneling many more funds into renewable energy research and development.

The photo at the beginning shows an option. This company produces a new breed of solar energy. Instead of using massive plates of photo-voltaic cells, that produce 10-15 % solar energy, they use mirror dishes that concentrate the sun rays into a focal center with only a few high grade cells. this allows for about 75 % efficiency. about 21 % electricity, and the rest is in thermal energy form - that is available to heat water for instance.

It takes much less space, most of its parts (about 95 percent) are recyclable, and its possible to ugrade its parts which makes its life very long.

Imagine, every house or building having one or two of these. It's enough to supply most of the energy requirements, and even sell back to the electric company. Plus, society stays alive.

Until the next crysis anyways.

Voltures

2009-08-03T15:32:00.009+03:00

The voltures are looking at me, probing me with their eyes from above. It looks like they're smiling or sniggering.

They feel superior in their elevated spot and my poor carcass looks ready for them to pick apart, whether if alive or dead.

I flinch under their gaze. My spine shudders. What makes them think they're superior to me?? We're all creatures under the same sun. But they feel like they can pick at my flesh, eat me alive and never hold back. It's like I owe them.

This is how a support person feels like every day of the work week. ;)

A break from Money Making

2009-07-28T10:09:00.004+03:00

All that researching and posting and whatnot makes me tired.

So, I decided on a post about my favourite subject: Vacation.

I've been daydreaming about vacationing. Going somewhere nice and having a good rest for the body and soul.

I don't care too much for the beach (I like the sea, but being in the sun for too long is bad for the complexion and my head), but I like good/great hotels and good locations.

And I crave a colder weather. We're having a merciless summer here and my guess this winter won't carry much rain.

Maybe that's why I like Switzerland. Even in the height of summer, their temperatures don't come close to the Israeli summer. And there's always a snow peaked mountain not too far off sight.

It's not just the weather. I like the green shades of the lush scenery and the bounty of water. those of course can be found in many other places in europe as well as other locations.

I miss waterfalls that have plenty of water, I miss having a weather that carries no dust, only clean and fresh air. I miss having peace of mind and no pressures of work and worries of day-to-day life.

And I am taking steps to make that kind of life a reality.

Make Money (FAST) Schemes/Plans - Part II

2009-07-23T09:55:00.003+03:00

Basically, most of the money on the world wide web flows through ads. Selling stuff over the internet. Whether it's loans, houses, cars, or a pen - they all need to advertise in order to get customers to come in and maybe buy some of their merchandise.

So, they put their ads wherever they can. All those pop-ups everywhere, and especially on high-traffic web sites such as news websites, search engines, and popular blogs are their to catch the eye of the right customers.

Google perfected this system with its Ad-sense system. They use text only ads that are not intrusive, and are not of the pop-up kinds. They also specialize according to the context of the text in said page. If a post or a search is about cars for instance, you'll see only ads that are related to cars, such as cars sales, car loans, and so on.

So, in order to make money online, you have to connect to the advertising business somehow. whether it's to promote your business or product, or someone else's. Either way, you'll need to get the word out there and do it in a broad and yet precise way.

You want your message to reach the people who will want to buy your product. That's why context ads are so good for business. Sure, you can bombard a massive mailing list with your ads, but even if that provides you some business (a small percentage would like your product or service) you will get so much more people who'll simply hate you for spamming them with ads for stuff they neither need nor want.

The whole advertising business is going towards that direction. They can see where the wind is blowing even if spam kings refuse to. Also, it's cheaper in a way. You don't need to show your ad to everyone all of the time, but just to some of the people, some of the time.

Make Money (FAST) Schemes/Plans - Part I

2009-07-20T15:54:00.008+03:00

Money!

I've been rummaging through my e-books, net articles, and google to find money making schemes or plans that actually work. I didn't come out empty handed, but It's obvious that finding stuff that actually work, or at least sounds like it actually work is no simple task.

The amount of information and words about the subject is staggering. Google "money" for instance, and you get 98,400,000 results. Google "make money", and you get a whopping 203,000,000 results!

It's an ongoing quest, and I'm going to post about it in parts.

As these posts will become a part of this massively gigantic interest of people, I naturally hope more traffic will be generated here and more guests will come to read and respond.

I started with audio books. Reason being that it's more convenient for me to absorb on my way to and from home in my car. I listen and take pointers from those lessons. For me, its much easier than reading the stuff, especially as my attention span is pretty short. Being in the car makes me partly a captive audience, and it's comfortable too.

The first thing I noted to myself was this: If all these people who make the audiobooks/cassetes/ebooks really know how to become mega-rich or millionaires, why do they bother with writing or recording this material? As they're already millionaires, unless their philantropist side is over-developed, they should be jetting around the world, or relaxing in their vacation home of choice. No?

I accept that there are people that do want to give back to their fellow men (and women) and share their insights, and in general do good. But they are not too many.

So, why do they need to sell their ebook, or course package with 3 free gifts for 79.99 dollars?

Did you get to this line okay? :) good!

Naturally, they're not millionaires, or maybe they are, but are always hungry for more. I know that human greed is a very powerful and ever-hungry incentive.

Do they know the secret to becoming a millionaire? possible. If enough people believe them, they'll buy their merchandise, and someone will become rich. (although it might just be the seller)

A week or so ago, a friend of mine had her email account hijacked and mail forwarded to her address book contacts telling them all that she's stranded without a air ticket, passport, or cash, and would they please send her 2500 dollars to this and this address (in Nigeria by the way) so she can come back home..

That's one way of making money. Very dishonest and ugly, but possibly effective. Out of, say a hundred contacts, there's a chance that at least one or two would send some money to help a friend or a relative in a bind.

It's all really a numbers game. When you try to sell anything from a book to a broken toy, you try to throw your net as wide as possible. The bigger the net, the more chances someone will get caught in it. And when the numbers are really big, you don't need a terribly big percentage of "biters" caught.

The internet is the classic example. It's the first time in history that a single individual has been able to reach millions of people, and not only that, but it's cheap, or at times even free of charge (other than internet connection charges)!

The first example of way of thinking that I came by is "Multiple Streams Of Income". The idea being this: In this day and age, of financial instability and a world depending even more on a capitalistic way of living, relying on just one or two streams of income is not enough any more.

One needs more. more ways of making money, that will provide support in case the main streams are cut off. In other words: what happens if you got cut back, and cannot find a new job for over a year?

Nothing good I suspect. You may just find yourself out on the street once your savings are gone.

The idea is not to hold multiple jobs at the same time. that would rob you of sleep and defeat the purpose. What's the purpose? To be financially free and clear.

More to come..

What would you ask God for?

2009-07-07T13:05:00.011+03:00

As the title suggests: what would you ask God for, if you had a chance to sit with him/her for a nice conversation?

Many philosophical thoughts arise from this question, as well as from the situation itself.

I'm trying to find some smart answers to this question as I'm in the process of writing a book, where God is one of the main characters.

Googling the question brought me the expected smart-assy answers such as: "Explain your own existence", "I'd ask what God thinks of that song by Joan Osbourne", "I believe that there is no god, so I have no question to ask"

By the way, for people who don't believe in god, this is simply a question to ask someone very wise, very experienced, that has such vast amounts of knowledge and good sense which any answer from him would prove quite valuable.

This question also proves to be most popular. One website for answers shows a total of 857 answers suggested for this single question. Many answers are funny, some sound desperate, a lot are trying to be smart, and quite a few are predictable (like "Why all the pain and suffering?")

I think that being able to ask god questions answers a few of those already. It proves he/she exists and that would give me peace for one. Knowing that there is a higher being that sees us and touches our lives (for good or for worse) is comforting in some strange way.

Help Self

2009-06-29T10:58:00.004+03:00

I collect Self-Help books. For me it's like going to a mental gym.

Having those books gives me a feeling of doing something good for myself, but also doesnt require me to actually read them.

But I do read them sometimes. And with my limited attention span, try to stick to the text as long as I can. There is a common thread to some, but not all. Think positive, enjoy what you do, keep a relaxed soul and a healthy body.

It's like getting budhistic life lessons repeatedly. I don't mind, but you get the idea pretty fast.

And then there are those who don't stick to the formula, that are actually practical guides to whatever they claim to do. I can't tell that they work - yet to finish any single one of them.

Self-help connects to most people with new-age, hence hippy culture, fairies, rainbows and lots of love and peace.

For one thing, there's nothing wrong with some more peace and love in the world. God himself knows the world could use more of those. For another, there are actually people making a living out of these books. Sometimes a lot of money. Like Robin Sharma.

For another, It's always easier to mock than to understand. I don't always subscribe to the non-mocking crowd, I admit. But I find that the older I get, the more chances I'm willing to give to things I wouldn't even consider in the past.

The self-help industry is a multi-million (if not billion) one. And as it is so very much prolific, it's difficult to find the gems in the gigantic bale of hay. I normally go by titles, but titles are meant to catch your eye and grab your attention. That means I have to read at least a few pages over the book's jacket in order to see the direction a book is taking.

So, I try and focus more. To do that, I look for specific things. Like certain skills I covet rather than general promises of fame and fortune.

I'll let you know what I find.

Tired, Sleepy, Exhausted

2009-06-24T16:24:00.008+03:00

I've been feeling all of that lately, and so I went and took some tests (blood as well as others).

Turns out, my immune system is not having a good time at all, and my white blood cell count is lower than grass. (the short kind, like at golf courses)

Going to follow up on it of course, but for now my alertness levels are in the shit house, and I got no idea how to boost them up. Taking vitamines might help, but so far there's no idea what's causing this and how it will get better.

It feels like I'm going to drop down and fall asleep, only when I get home and fall into bed, I cant really sleep. I just feel exhausted, not sleepy.

There's one upside that started today or maybe yesterday - my mood is better. I think it's an expression of the fatigue - but I'm enjoying it none the less :D

Doors

2009-06-10T09:29:00.001+03:00

Our renovation has basically ended, but the doors are still not properly set.

So now we’re on the hunt for two nice doors that will fit the grandeur of our renewed bathroom and lavatory.

Of course, money is an issue, but we do not neglect the aesthetics. It has to look good and feel right.

And then of course there’s the light.. It’s never-ending. Never knew being a homeowner (or flat owner) will be so tiresome at times – till I ended up being one.

It’s all for a good cause though. Making our lives more comfortable.

Cockroaches

2009-06-09T16:10:00.003+03:00

We had a cockroach incident last night. G found a cockroach staring her in the face and instantly called me to the rescue.

I chased it around the kitchen and sprayed half a canister of insecticide on the poor flying bastard.

Finally he made his haven the back of the fridge. I left him there and closed the kitchen door.

The instant response to those critters is disgust and fear. The disgust part is understandable. The fear however is irrational (not that I don’t have some fear of them myself). They’re small, vulnerable, and pretty much fear us humans. They only come into our houses for 2 reasons: Food, and Warmth.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel much sorrow for them. They’re insects and insects belong in nature. My house is not that place. When us humans go extinct, they’re welcome to my former house in their hordes – but not while I’m living there!

Mostly for them, the issue is PR. If they had a better image in the public eye, like say, the pandas – they’d have a much better life. And probably longer too.

Energy. Drinks?

2009-05-27T08:50:00.003+03:00

I was going to do a post about how energy drinks affect you - what you gain, what you lose.

Now it seems stupid to me. My energy levels are low. Lower than they've been in a long time. Might be the work, might be the dark cloud hanging inside my head. Something must be done and it must be done soon, 'cause I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I already took a day off from work, because I felt I couldnt stay there anymore.

It affects my mood. That's a given. Or maybe my mood affects it. I'm in a really deep depression. Feels like being in a deep slippery hole that you can't climb out of.

Today is somewhat better. Still, it's something that gets more and more difficult to live with. Not just for me, but for my girlfriend too. Sorry G.

Its at the point of screaming. I think that the black mood that is kept at bay is responsible for the energy drop and the constant feeling of tiredness. However, I don't know how to solve it.

I did think of trying daily short meditation. I never been good at concentrating, but It seems like a good way to somehow relax my frayed nerves. I'll look it up.

Arrrrrgh!

2009-05-18T10:09:00.005+03:00

As never-ending renovations are taking place in my apartment, I'm going away on vacation to the above location. Right. I wish!

Well, not really. I put this image as it automatically connects with a vacation. My idea of vacation is less UV, much more lush greenery. something more like this:

It's about scenery, water, green views, and clean air. A ruin or two wouldn't hurt either. Not that I mind the amenities of cities, but once in a while its just so good to get away from the pollution, noise, and mayhem. This all makes me miss airports, since airports for me are the real indicator of vacation. Once I'm at the airport, any airport - there's no turning back. I'm on my way!

Oh. I'm not. No money for that as yet, no vacation days.

At least I can dream and wonder.

Renovation!

2009-04-21T12:53:00.003+03:00

We're undergoing construction in our apartment. It means we're not living in it for a while.

We (or more correctly, my girlfriend) covered most of the furnitures and doors with plastic covers so as to minimize the amount of dust and debris we'll have to clean later.

Even so, I'm pretty sure it's going to look like a bosnian bomb site after we come back.

But.. we'll have a beautiful renovated bathroom and toilet to cheer us up while cleaning and eating dust :D

On another note, today is holocaust remembrance day here in Israel, and soon Fallen Soldiers remembrance day and Independance day will all follow. I bow my head and think of all the dead that had fallen back then and since that made all independance days possible and all other days here in Israel as well.

Media Streamer / Earth Quakes

2009-04-06T11:06:00.006+03:00

This is Digitech HDX-1000 Media Streamer. and I received it today!

It basically can play most media files (including High Definition movies) on your tv.

I had my eye on it for a long time, saved each month, and now I finally bought it!

This, along with a bigger TV will transform our living room into a home theatre that's only missing some cushy sofas.

and, on a different note

An earthquake striked Italy this morning. Claiming 50 lives so far, and leaving hundreds wounded and without shelter.

Is it just me, or does it seem as a continuation of a visible rise in the frequency of Seismic events around the world?

It happened in Indonesia, Italy (another, less powerful one struck 3 months ago) , California, Papua-Guinea, South of the Pacific Ocean, Costa Rica and Panama, Mexico, Guatamala and Melburn, Australia. and this is since the beginning of March!

Maybe it's God's wrath, and maybe it's a precursor for things to come, but this along with volcano eruptions, and the melt-crash of that gigantic iceberg makes one want to start re-watching all those disaster movies in hope of picking up some useful tips!

Living in israel and thinking about the bible makes me remember the story of the flood. God gave fair warning before the flood, and no one listened.

I sure hope that's not the case here.

Sugar

2009-02-25T10:20:00.003+02:00

You don't really know how important it is in your life until you take it out of your menu.

It's a whole range of color that goes missing from your rainbow. It starts with the almost obvious coffee or regular tea in the morning, goes through cakes and cookies, and continues with jams, candies, and chocolate.

It's all unhealthy, bad for your body, and gives you short-term energy that I really miss very much!

But I shall prevail. At least until the ending of the month of this diet.

Such simple joys..

Ka-Boom!

2009-02-23T17:57:00.006+02:00

That's how my head feels right now.. well, naturally I exaggerate.

Still, come end of the working day, I want to stick my head in a cold water bucket for a few minutes and than wipe it, and hopefully it'll be good as new.

It feels like my respiration slows down almost deliberately, my eyes go sleepy, and I feel the pressure building behind my forehead.

As if the day squeezed what was left of my life energy and left me with scraps that might sustain me until I get home, or might not.

Anywho, enough bitching. Weekend will come soon and with it a vacation with the family and the girlfriend at a spa resort! Excellent! :)

Stupid Diet

2009-02-19T10:36:00.008+02:00

I started this really annoying diet to cleanse my stomach and digestive system.

It all started about 8 years ago when I went on a long backpacking trip to south america in which I broke my regular celiac-related diet.

Since then, I've been having all kinds of stomach problems and nothing really changed.

So.. I went to a TCM/Naturopath expert and he put me on a cow diet. The list of things I cannot eat overwhelmingly surpasses what I can eat.

First and foremost, all flour/flour related products and all sugar and deriatives are out of my diet. So are most fruits.

This begs the question: Is the suffering hard enough to comply with such cruel fate?

At first it's only for a month, after that and according to the outcome, the diet will be relaxed.

Aside from that I caught a frigging cold. I guess when shit comes, it rains!

Rut

2009-02-11T17:40:00.000+02:00

Feeling like I'm stuck in a rut. Life do that a lot to the working stiff. And I do feel like a working stiff. or maybe it's the lack of feeling of fulfilment or any real purpose in life. Any of those sucks.

Being in a rut is a bit like swimming against a mild current. You put some (not too much) effort, but you stay exactly where you are. The scenery around you changes only if it's dynamic, and you stay in the same place, doing the same thing.

Sometimes you go somewhere different, do something to break the routine, but it's not enough to make any real change. It's all inside you. It's all inside me.

Bubbles in the mould

2009-01-18T15:33:00.009+02:00

I sometimes look at people as transparent plastic shapes. They all have bubbles in their mould.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. Hell, I have plenty of bubbles in my mould.

When I write "bubbles in the mould" I refer to imperfections. When a product is manufactured, it is meant to be without any bubbles in it - without any defects that would make it harder to sell. Us humans, we all got bubbles.

Some show their bubbles more than others. Some keep their bubbles deep inside and are sure that they show perfection on the outside.

But no matter how much you try - the bubbles are always there. You can cover them up with happy faces, make-up, money or reputation, but you will always know your own imperfections.

Imperfections can be adorable. Like an inclination to touch one's nose - small and maybe cute quirks. Other imperfections inhibit people. Sometimes consciously, and sometimes not. Like.. speech impairment. Or a crosseyedness that cannot be overlooked by most.

However, people learn to live not only with their own imperfections, but also with those of others. They must, if they want to enjoy any social life.

Of course, it doesn't mean that they ignore them.. only that they keep their views to themselves most times, and accept the person as a whole and not as the sum of his/her imperfections.

Those quirks are mostly easier to tolerate in yourself rather than in others. Unless you are very self critical, you'll always "cut yourself more slack" than to others.

Or in other words, people don't see, or tend to ignore, their own shortcomings, while focusing on those of others. I include myself in "people" too, by the way.

So what can you do when you acknowledge those bubbles? Do you ignore them? accept them? fight them? try and fix them?

Many address them through therapy. Others accept them as a part of their nature, and decide not to try and fight them. Some ignore them completely, and than there are those who spend their entire life fighting their bubbles.

I don't know to say which is the better way. I just handle my bubbles my own way.

Sometimes fighting, sometimes accepting, sometimes ignoring.

Hot Water / Color Red / 2009

2008-12-30T10:37:00.013+02:00

We live in an old apartment. As a result, things don't always work as they should..

A "for instance" is the shower. We're not able to have a decent hot shower.. the water is luke-warm and in these winter cold days, this is no fun at all!

You don't really come to appreciate hot water until you miss it. The shower in the morning that wakes you up, the water that cleans you and makes your skin and hair cleaner and nice-smelling..

The Text says "Red Color Real Time". The words "Red Color" are a code name for rocket/bomb/missile alarm. When they're broadcasted on the radio or public speakers, it means that you should take cover in a safe shelter.

So far the rockets hit cities in the south of Israel, and now they started coming closer.. as in my place of work town for instance. Now it's less of a cafeteria talk subject and more of a life threatening issue. To tell the truth, I'm taking it kind of non-shalantly. Maybe in a fatalist kind of way that says "what will happen will happen". It doesn't mean that I don't take care of myself and hid the alarms when they come. It's more that I don't get too scared and worried about it and take it in a more cynical and amused way than anything else.

1/1/2009 - Yesterday we celebrated the change of the gregorian year to 2009. I wish first and foremost, peace and love and prosperity for all. Not just my close and immediate family and friends but also those in the wider circle - old friends, fellow israelis, poor people, and all those who really need it in their lives. I want to give thanks for what I have and been blessed with: Love from my parents, sister, niece and nephew, and of course, my dear girlfriend. Economic stability, which is not to say economic freedom, but still is a LOT to be grateful for. My health and the health of those dear to me. We've been through tragedy and happyness this year, and I hope that even with the state of current events, that 2009 will be a happy and fruitful year.

Happy New Year!

Christmas / חנוכה Hanukkah

2008-12-23T16:08:00.004+02:00

The time of Hanukkah & Christmas has come!

Two holy days of light and happiness and giving.

For Jews it's time to remember miracles and triumphs, and for christians it is time to give and receive gifts and bond with one's family.

In jewish tradition, from my own experience, every holiday is an excuse to eat - no matter if it's the traditional dishes or just good food. A lot of people gain extra padding during the holidays and Hannukah is even more so with all the fried goodness it holds :)

Winter amplifies this by pushing you towards hot dishes to keep your insides warm. It also makes you happy and satisfied, so In that respect, it's a good thing.

Back to the main theme - Holidays and especially these two - are a good time to bond with other people - whether it's your significant other, your sister, brother, parents, or simply friends.

To share the warmth, to share the happiness, to be together.

Shake a leg (or maybe better not)

2008-12-15T15:08:00.007+02:00

This term has different meanings in the western and eastern cultures.

In the Asian culture, shaking your leg will make your money and/or luck go away.

In the western culture (I think it's mostly in the American sub-culture) it has the same meaning as "break a leg" or simply "good luck!".

I imagine that shaking one's leg would cause your clothes to shake and for your money to fall out (especially when you're a farm worker in the old days in china) and that might explain the Asian source of this expression.

As for the western one - shaking one's leg meant moving about and being busy with something productive - hence one's making his own luck and money.

Me? I'm trying to shake off that habit :)

The Darkness

2008-12-10T13:15:00.003+02:00

Days comes and go, and there's a dread inside me. A feeling of futility. Like nothing I do actually matters.

It makes me feel powerless, weak both physically and emotionally. And it builds the darkness inside me. Feeds it. It's a disabling feeling.

At times like these, I feel rage and frustration on one hand, and no will to do anything on the other. Even so, I still have to work, and to handle myself with regard to my surroundings.

I keep fighting it, this diabilitating feeling. Because it makes me want to lose myself and drive people I love away from me. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

The best way to describe this feeling, is how you feel when you're just about to have a good cry. But it stays on the inside.. this wanting to cry, and grows stronger and bigger and choking.

Birth Day

2008-11-22T10:00:00.002+02:00

Today I'm 34 years old. It seems old to me, but than again, it seemed old to me when I hit 30..

Some friends ask if I started counting backwards (towards dying). I think everyone begin to do that at one point or another and not necessarily when they actually get old.

I just thought about something - maybe the new layout I chose is due to the feeling of getting old? :D

Naa.. I just like this look. Though, I'll continue to improve on the components.

I still celebrate my birthdays. Some say that after a certain age, when you're a "grown-up" there's no need for celebrations nor gifts. I do not subscribe to this point of view.

Maybe I'm an attention seeker at heart :P

Men Thoughts

2008-11-19T17:25:00.003+02:00

I was standing and doing my business today when it suddenly struck me! Men everywhere have been having their quietest, most relaxed and maybe even most productive (thought-wise) moments while standing in a (metaphorical or not) pool of urine someone else left behind and contributing some of their own into a white ceramic bowl!

There's no doubt in my mind that many will disagree with this theory. But I can definitely imagine Newton in the real, uncensored version of how he understood gravity - by watching the drops fall while in this most relaxed mode.

Just a thought.

Lottery

2008-11-11T11:51:00.005+02:00

People all over the world try to change their luck every day. Luck for many seems to be associated with how much money you have or how much property you amass.

One of the most common ways of luck changing seems to be lottery. It's not expensive, you control it (to a degree), and you get a piece of paper that gives you hope that your dreams will come true (mostly until the draw that is).

Lottery seems like a easy and fast way to achieve prosperity. The enormeous odds, the chance that you're throwing your money away and making whomever is running the draw rich with no actual compensation - they don't negate the element of hope that you actually pay for when you buy a lottery ticket.

I buy hope too. There's an old joke about a guy who cries to god and whines about never having any luck and never even winning a small sum - god replies by a bellowing voice that says "you have to buy a ticket first!". That's the thing - if you don't give the universe a way to help you - how can you expect it to happen?

Change

2008-11-04T09:39:00.008+02:00

I started this post yesterday, but today it gets one more meaning - with the presidential election that entered Barack Obama as the first Black president in the history of the united states.

Congratulations to him, and I hope he'll bring good change to the citizens of the united states.

As for my change, it refers to changes I wish to make in my occupation. I've been staying in a job I don't care much about for financial security for way too long.

When you stay in a place for such reasons, erosion raises its ugly head pretty fast and it affects all areas of life.

Even though I'm not exactly bored in my job, it definitely lacks the ability to excite me and to enrich me. I like some of its aspects, but I am definitely not challenged, and I don't feel like a more challenging version of the same job would make any measurable difference for me.

As a part of my slow move to change, I am taking steps to address my ADD issues, as well as starting to explore the business possibilities out there.

Financial gain is also a reason for wanting this change. Money is a means to an end, and that end is freedom to do what I want and ultimately - not to work unless I feel I'll enjoy it - but not out of necessity.

Wish me luck! :)

Durian Vs. Tehina

2008-11-02T14:28:00.005+02:00

Durian Vs. Tehina (or Tahini as some like to call it)

Durian is an asian fruit with soft innards that is considered quite delicious to many asians. However.. most europeans (I.E., me among them) find it's strong smell quite to take (not to mention the taste.

Tehina is a middle-eastern dish that you eat with pita bread (or just bread if no pita is available). It's basically a spread made of ground sesame seeds, water, oil (mostly the sasame oil), lemon, garlic and parsley. I like it much. My girlfriend.. not really.

Differences are what makes us unique. Differences in culture, differences in opinions, differences in tastes and flavors and many other things.

Our differences are a part of what keeps us together. I like one thing, and she likes another. Even if none of us takes to the other's taste, these differences draw us together as they are a part of the attraction.

So, Durians or Tehina? I say both.

Back to work

2008-10-26T14:58:00.004+02:00

Back from Singapore and back to work.. what can you do?

3 weeks of vacation, wining'n'dining and seeing the sights and sleeping till late, eating all kinds of foods, travelling a big-ass feris wheel with my girl, and getting burnt in the thai sun, and splashing in the transparent waters of Phi-Phi island.. and now it's back to the trenches for months of work with no parole..

I got no regrets :D Had me lots of fun!

Gonna try and make the best of my weekends, so neither me or G will not get too bored. Plus I got a few plans as to my financial future which I'm checking out. So change is in the air, and I'm sure it's a good one :)

Oh, today I gave blood. I like giving blood. I know it's sort of a weird thing to admit, but I don't care. It makes me feel a bigger person. I give from myself literraly. Not just my good will, but also a piece of me. and that feels good. Knowing that a piece of me is going to help others out there somewhere.

Have a good week, I'm going to try for one myself! :)

Off to Singapore - Tommorow!

2008-10-01T12:16:00.005+03:00

Last day of packing before I head off to Singapore!

I managed to battle off a last minute fever and also a very sore neck is getting better. It would have sucked if I had to board a plane being feverish.. especially for a two-leg long flight.

Looking forward to see my girl and growing excited about our 3 week vacation together!

Now all I need is to figure out how I'll stuff all of the things into my suitcase :D

Oh, you're all invited to click on the photo to see it in all its full size glory :) I "borrowed" it from Panoramio.

Goodbye for now!

Rosh Ha'shana - Jewish New Year!

2008-09-27T11:57:00.003+03:00

The Jewish New Year is upon us. A time to greet in a new year, take stock of what was and wish and pray for a better (or even better) year to come.

Jews take the happy with the sad, and so, soon after the new year holiday - comes

Yom Kippur, which is the day when the temple for god was destroyed, followed by the need of the jews to seek atonement for their (our) sins - on Yom Kippur.

But back to the new year, it's a time for celebrations, eating sweet foods to promote sweetness in the year to come, and other customs that cleanses the soul and body and help us welcome the new year with a smile and happyness in our hearts.

As in most holidays it's also a time to bond stronger with family and friends. Not just through eating together, but also through companionship and forgiveness for past sins.

May this year be sweet and happy and full of joy to all!

Mandarin Chinese

2008-09-22T15:41:00.003+03:00

Over the past months (on and off) I've been picking up a some chinese. Some from my girlfriend, and some from Computer Programs.

However, my hardship in learning and retaining information made it difficult for me to stick to learning and remembering the words.

If I am anything - it's stuborn. As such, I don't intend to let it be. I aim to learn as much chinese as I can until the end of the year.

For that I'm trying Rosetta Stone. It's a program that uses immersion in the language as a part of it's technique to bind you with the language. Once you start the program, all you see and hear is the language you chose, plus photos and such. No english to piggyback you along.

I hope this method will make things easier for me.

As I said, if anything, I am stuborn!

Home Alone

2008-09-16T07:08:00.009+03:00

I took G. to the airport last night, and went back to our empty home.

8 months into our life together and she became a big part of my life. It made me sometimes feel like I'm losing myself, and in need of some self defining actions of freedom.

But I am glad she's in my life. And I miss her.

The house is so quiet without her here, and even two weeks seems like a long time to wait till we see each other again.

Life together have their ups and their downs. It takes a lot of compromising and a lot of patience on both sides. I keep working on it, and so does G.

I love and miss you baby.

Farewells

2008-09-14T12:33:00.007+03:00

Don't you just hate'em?

It stretches and lingers and you become miserable.

Cats can leave you and not look back. For them you're a servant with food and comforts. Other than that - they don't really need you.

People mostly are not like cats. When we say "goodbye", "see you again", or "farewell" to someone we care about, we hate to see them leave and it's hard to let go - because we (most of us anyways) develop an emotional connection to our friends and loved ones.

On some level I think it's a feeling of loss. You see someone go, and you feel like they're lost to you - even if you know it's only a matter of time until you see them again.

So would I want to be like a cat, or am I happy being a caring human?

I think that the answer to that changes according to occasion. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Emotions can be a burden when they're too dark and/or too hard to handle.

Refrigerators & Black Holes

2008-09-10T14:51:00.005+03:00

Looking at the possible end of the world from the "before" side while searching for a new fridge can be a rather philosophical excercise.

On the one hand, we really do need a new fridge. On the other, why buy a new one when it won't arrive on time to enjoy it, and the all search effort might be in vain?

Anyways, I've ordered a new fridge and hopefully it will arrive tommorow or friday!

I now know much more about refrigerators than I cared or thought I would ever know..

Anyone wants a crash course about fridges? :)

Things the world throws on you

2008-09-09T14:50:00.005+03:00

It seems that when your life goes into accelerated activity, the universe tends to throw some more activity your way, and it's not always the good kind.

E.g.: You prepare to go on a vacation which will cost you some, so the universe/god/murphy thinks this is a great time to throw some overdue bills your way, break down the fridge (which will make you buy a new one), and have just a few more bits of expenditure - just to make things more interesting.

Is that what they call "The law of attraction"? go into action, and action shall come upon you..

Someone told me once that it's always better to be in motion rather than stand still. Even if you encounter bad luck or other misfortunes, the momentum would always keep you moving and finding new things, meeting new people and living your life to the fullest.

I'm an optimistic fellow, or so I like to think most of the time, so I simply put my trust in the powers that be, and continue with my plans while making the necessary monetary arrangements, because the world will keep on moving to the same place its going no matter if I get pissed and frustrated or happy and content. I choose happy (even if not always content)

:-)

State of Despair

2008-09-02T09:05:00.003+03:00

Every day I go to work, as I pull into parking and get out of my car, a wave of despair washes over me.

It matters not what work there is to do, or how long is the day in front of me.

A cloud of depression comes over me and makes the beginning of my day pretty dreary.

So I try to fight it, using caffeine, sugar, forced smiles, but sometimes I think to myself that maybe I'm just not a morning person - on top of not liking my job.

The not liking my job part stems a lot from the wearing out of doing the same kind of work (of the people service and support kind) day in and day out for some years now.

It's taking me nowhere, and until recently I've been feeling like there's no real escape.

Now, since I got myself diagnosed for ADD, there's a little ray of hope - I can actually better my position, I can actually make an attempt at learning something new and not lose interest before a day passes.

So, it this state of despair, there is hope. :)

Focus

2008-08-31T09:48:00.003+03:00

I have always found it hard to focus, whether it's at work, studying, or even reading a book to its end - mostly non-fiction books or school material.

Most projects and ideas I had, I didnt finish or gave up on before even starting.

Lack of focus, no concentration, inability to stay "on the ball". My life has been rulled by these issues.

It went on like this for years. Try as I did, with academics, I didnt have the stamina, or patience to study for long, and things I did understand in the classroom didn't hold from day to day.

Never had the patience to sit and do homework for too long. And that is a real dumper when it comes to university studies.. (or any studies, come to think of it)

Last friday, I went and did a test for ADD/ADHD called T.O.V.A

As the test had shown, and as I already figured, it seems I have some form of ADD.

It's good in my eyes, this diagnostic, since it explains my history, as well as offers several routes for treatment and addressing of the problems I had and still have.

It opens a whole range of possibilities to me, leaving me with the decision - what and if I should do something with this knowledge.

This time I can no longer chalk it all down to lazyness, or lack of interest, or anything else. It all comes down to me.

Olympics

2008-08-26T09:18:00.004+03:00

Beijing Olympics just ended. It was an impressive demonstration of power and money and human physical abilities.

I never actually followed the games, aside from being happy or sad for my countrymen when they succeeded or failed.

The games this year put a spotlight on china - good thing or a bad thing - depends on how you look at it. It showed the strengths of this giant nation and also its shortcomings in some other areas - such as human rights.

A lot of animosity came about - from alligations as to possible drug abuse by the jamaican runner to loser discontent and lack of sportsmanship from the american teams as well as others.

It was a spectacular and difficult (if not impossible) to top effort. For that china deserves hats off.

Now London 2012 is the next place of events - and everyone wonders how they will pull it off.

How will things be? only time will tell.

Fighting WindMills

2008-08-19T13:04:00.004+03:00

After fifteen years at the same bank, I decided to take initiative and fight at least one of the wrongs.

One thing among the many that this bank (and since it's the largest one in Israel, most of the rest as well) is inflicting on its customers, or money cows..

The thing I'm fighting is the fact that once you have money in your checking account, you get no interest for it. When you have a debt to the bank, you'll pay a handsome interest, but when the bank enjoys your balance, you see not even a penny (or agora, as the case may be).

I already contacted my bank - their response was that this is how things are. Naturally this is not a viable answer.

So, I'm using other channels. Bank of Israel, and various other institutions and offices that may have the power to change this wrong doing.

I am hopefull, but I also know this is a long howl run. It won't be over in a couple of months. But the banks should re-grasp the notion that they are here to serve US and not vice versa.

As soon as I gather enough paper/email trail, I'll start publishing it online and try to get the media to delve and follow this. The more noise I generate, the more chance I have to be heard and supported.

The amounts involved in this are staggering. estimations run upto 100 billion shekels a year (about 27 billion USD) from the interest they (all the israeli banks) gather from our money.

Wish me luck! :)

Nostalgy: The X-Files Returns

2008-08-11T12:00:00.004+03:00

10 Years ago, X-Files ended with the screening of the movie "Fight the Future"

After 9 seasons ,the acclaimed tv series went off the screen and slowly off the minds of countless fans to tv oblivion. Or so we thought.

When the motion picture came out, there were intentions (as I recall) to produce a series of movies that will stretch and thicken the plot further. These intentions did not hold for long, as the movie did not do too well in the theatres, and after the termination of the tv series, there seemed to be no point in producing any other movies.

However, now came the second movie of "The X-Files". I read that David Duchovny himself pushed for the production of this installment, even though the show has been dead for so long, and the first movie was not a big success.

So I went to see it last night with my girlfriend. We were 4-5 people in a small movie hall (the smallest one in the multiplex).

Personally I enjoyed this movie. It was different than what I remembered of the show as well as the previous movie. But since the plot takes place 10 years after the last movie, it makes sense. People change, and mulder & scully changed a lot.

This movie, as a deviation from the main x-files theme, was not about Aliens in any way. It still managed to convey a interesting suspense-filled plot and an emotional ending.

There were too many emotional, drama dialogues between mulder & scully to my preference, but all in all, I liked the development that took place over the years.

I guess I missed The X-files just as much as Mulder did :)

Money Money Money

2008-08-06T13:09:00.006+03:00

Every once in a while, me, and now my girlfriend too, like to imagine what it would be like when we get rich.

What kind of things we would buy, which places we would visit, how we'll act upon becoming rich and how else it would affect our lives.

I realised This "what if" game is pretty common after asking around.

People always like to go on dreaming about things they wish to attain.

How many of these people actually take the dream from the mind and turn it into a reality?

Not many it seems.. and why not?

Is it really that difficult to become rich? or is it the risk taking that most people rather avoid?

Maybe the reason is that the easiest thing is to dream, and on the other hand, elbow grease and running around and doing hard work and sometimes going on a limb without being sure of the actual consequences is what keeps most people away from that pot of gold at the foot of the rainbow..

You read everyday about rich people. They buy this, they go there, they seem so distant when in reality they're quite regular folks. Most of them anyways.

Another thing is that people don't really like rich people. Or maybe it's just in my country. Being rich here seems to be a good reason to be apologetic and to be looked at with suspicion and distrust.

If they donate - it's probably for tax benefits or to push something to do with their hidden agenda. If they don't donate - they're evil scrooges that do not deserve a second pittying glance.

However, if you ask any average Joe or Jane on the street (Alon or Noa in Israel) if they rather be poor, average or rich in income, the answer is always clear. They (and us) all want to be rich.

How do you want to spend your life? rich or poor? does poorness makes for a better person? does money instantly makes for a less moral one?

Food for thought.

Stomach Aches

2008-08-05T12:17:00.003+03:00

I don't know about you, but my stomach aches quite often.
Things I try to soothe it include tea, milk, rubbing, toilet, and avoiding constipation inducing foods.
Still, sometimes it just remains as it is, and I'm left with the simple task of riding it over.
Another way to allow the stomach to function better (ingestion-wise) is to practice sports. I suspect that my lack of sport-practicing contributes to my ill-feeling.
I keep telling myself I'll do something about it, and of course I keep postponing it again and again.
My self-discipline needs boosting in the way of a coach/trainer. My last trainer closed shop for lack of students (Krav-Maga) and difficulties finding a venue to practice at.
Instead of finding alternative sports, I just let things stay as they are. Bad choice of course.
How does one develop self-discipline if one has lost it so many years ago?
Food for thought.

Back to Istanbul - on a different note

2008-07-28T09:14:00.004+03:00

After being on vacation at Istanbul, I woke up today to read that a double bombing took place in the city, taking 16 lives, and injuring more than a 100.
I feel both relieved that we were spared the mayhem, and at a loss for the citizens of this noisy, busy, lively city.
My country has its share of death and mayhem, but even though you become somewhat toughskinned, it's the places you go to vacation at that you really do not want nor expect to be in danger.
I wish to send some comforting words to the families of the deceased and wishes of fast recovery to the families of the injured.

Death in a Dream

2008-07-24T13:45:00.005+03:00

(This photo is for visualization purposes only)

I had a dream last night, and in my dream I saw a homeless guy.

He was a black guy with lots of hair on his head, with a wisp a moustache and a shadow of a beard.

I saw him twice in the dream. I think the first time he was outside or around my apartment building. The second time, he was trying to break into my apartment from the one next door.

He climbed on the edge of the wall from the adjacent apartment, and came into my veranda which made a racket that got my and my girlfriend attention. So I went to investigate, and there he was. For some reason he was smiling.. maybe to look less of a threat, I don't know.

Then I shouted at him. and he tried going back the way he came. He fell from the ledge to the ground - two stories below. I heard the thud. I didn't see anything, as the dream ended at that point.

It's a disturbing dream. I even remember seeing the same guy previously. Whether it was in another dream, the street, on the television or at the cinema, I don't remember.

Nightmares suck. I say that even though I heard that dreaming about death means good things in real life.

Hope you all have good dreams!

A Bit Of Fry & Laurie

2008-07-17T12:27:00.003+03:00

Once upon a time there was an old BBC Comedy show by the name of "A Bit Of Fry & Laurie".

It featured two young and coming british comedians and included silly and nonsensical skeets.

I came upon it just a couple of days ago and found it almost at a monty python level.
So, here's a link to streaming of a few episodes of each of the four seasons of the show: Here

Enjoy yourself! I did :D

Cool Stuff!

2008-07-13T14:42:00.003+03:00

I found this cool and cheap gadget website!

It has lots of Cool gadgets and electronic devices. I love this stuff :)

Enjoy it! btw, they deliver free to Israel!

Return from Istanbul!

2008-07-07T16:38:00.011+03:00

Coming back from Istanbul, I can say it was a pleasant weekend - even if hot and humid.

But then again, so is Israel.

We basically covered the tourist hot spots as all we had were 3 days, but I think we did pretty good considering the time restraints :)

Among the places we visited were:

The Blue Mosque

Hagia (Santa) Sofia

Sulimaniye Mosque (which sadly is in renovations over 2007-2008)

Taxim Square

The Grand Bazzar (which is pretty grand)

The Spice Bazzar, and a couple of other places.

Basilica Cistern

Istanbul, Here we Come!

2008-06-25T10:11:00.004+03:00

Photo borrowed from Exposedplanet.com

Tommorow we go for a long weekend visit to Istanbul!

We'll sample the flavors, odors and sights of this cosmopolitan city and come back refreshed and ready to tackle the new month of July with renewed energy and Zest.

After G. got her Work visa at last (5 months to the day after beginning of this Sisyphean process), her Hebrew lessons begin now as well, so things are definitely picking up.

The time is right to hop on a plane and see new things, walk more than sit, and have new experiences in a land other than mine :)

Neither of us ever been to Turkey (other than passing through their international airport on the way to or from somewhere else), and it certainly seems like a colorful and interesting country with lots to see.

As oil prices continue to soar, and alternative fuels and motors are still not widely available, it seems to me that air ticket prices will continue to go up even to a point at which flights will become rich people affair. That would be a sad day indeed for travel lovers everywhere.

There are of course advantages to the world becoming less global in the way that exploitation of the environment might lessen considerably. But in my little world, it won't be a good thing for air ticket prices to go up..

So we hope, and wait, and see.

Have a Good weekend!,

I know I will! :)

Ice Cream

2008-06-16T11:40:00.002+03:00

I drove by an ice cream parlor a few days ago and it started a craving for ice cream.

Yet, I don't look to satiate this craving, just nurture it along and indulge in it :)

My craving outdoes my stomach capacity so I rather just crave for now.

Cravings..

What do people want most? happyness (I think)

How do you attain happyness? by doing things that make you happy

How are you able to do those things? many ways. mostly though, with money.

So, again, what is it that people want the most...?

Neighbors Fight

2008-06-03T11:40:00.002+03:00

This morning, I was awakened by a crackle noise followed by a female yelling at someone.
When I went to investigate, I saw from my window (2nd storie) that someone from one of the apartment buildings next to mine decided to burn dead wood and dry thorns in a big bonfire that sent a billowing cloud of smoke above.
Naturally, it arose some attention, and the guy's neighbor from the building next door came and started shouting at him telling him he cannot and should not do that.
He held his own and said that it's none of her business and that she shouldn't stick her nose in. She threatened to call the police to which he responded by saying she can do whatever she wants. She went back into her apartment and I assume she made her call.
I know I should have gone down and made my complaint as well.. but I didnt. I have a few reasons and a few excuses too, but The thing is, I didn't.
I thought about it, but didn't. Wanted to, but didn't.

Indiana

2008-05-19T16:43:00.005+03:00

Old, Tired, Exhausted Franchise, Cliche. It's all been said about this movie.
Naturally, I dont really care. I'll go and watch it.
Maybe because I'm an indy fan, maybe because I just want to re-live the way
I felt when I saw the previous movies in the cinema.
Heroes don't really get old. Well, they do, but not in the mind of their fans.
**SPOILER** From the two short trailers I've seen, they might be grooming a
young new actor to take on the roll of indy's successor (did anyone say "milking the franchise
some more"?)
Personally, I don't like it. If it's not Harrison Ford, it is not Indy for me.
If he can't do it anymore I respect that and think this coming movie should end the
Saga.
This indy movie is the last (so far anyways) in a series of comebacks. I think it started with "Superman returns" (even though it's a new actor), continued with "Rocky Balboa" and "Rambo 4" and now it's Indy's turn. (oh, and of course "Die hard 4")
Why did they come up with a re-hash of these franchises now? That's anybody's guess.
My phone's trutone these days is (of course) Indy's opening theme. It makes me, and people around me smile. Even if some of them don't recognize it at first.
I won't get to watch the movie at it's premiere here in Israel, but I'm sure to watch it a few days or a week later.
Spending the weekend with my family and my girl is well worth the delay :)

Ceremonies of Death & Life

2008-05-06T15:47:00.000+03:00

Here in Israel, Mourning death and Rejoicing in Life are closer subjects to each other than in any other place I've been.

The most visible evidence to this is seen in the fact that our day of independence follows at the heels of our day of memorial for fallen soldiers.

Thus, in a matter of hours the country must switch from sad and mournfull demeanor to that of happyness and joy at the birthday of Israel.

This dichotomy is difficult enough to grasp for any outsider, but even for us who lives it, it's not simple to make the switch from sorrow to joy.

This year marks the 60th anniversary of Israel as a free country. In 60 Years Israel seen its share of wars, trouble, peace (to a small degree), technological advancement, rise in population, many different leaders, and many different decisions.

Hope is what drives Israel forward all the time, and it is also the name and theme of our national anthem. Hope for something better, hope for peace, hope for something more.

And in unrelated news: We got the bed! and it's comfortable and good for the back too :)

Have a great Day of independence!

Bed Coming soon!

2008-04-23T15:09:00.002+03:00

We have bought a new bed!

It's still to come, but I might be sleeping better now (somewhat) because of it :)

Oh, it's not the one in the photo, and the mattress and bed frame are from two different stores, but It's super comfortable, and the matress place threw two Tempur pillows in the deal.

Thanks dad & mom for buying the matress for us!

Other than that, the bicycle trip in memory of my brother is coming up this friday and we're expecting many people to show. I hope I can finish the longer course especially as I'm due to say some words in my family's name.

More Sleep

2008-04-21T14:58:00.006+03:00

And the saga continues..

Sleep is there, but without any quality. I have this twitch in my eye which persists.

Thankfully, I'm still able to function but I'm worried about this continuing. I know that this will only get worse the longer it lingers. "Blurry Mind" gets a new, extended meaning these days.

Taking sleeping pills did cross my mind. However, I know that the sleep you get with these is not too great either, and the effects of it follows you through the day after.

My stress comes from several possible reasons. One of which is that this is the month of my brother's death, 3 years ago. The memorial has come and gone, and a bicycle trip in his memory is coming this friday.

I'm writing a few words for it, words I didnt say at the memorial. Sometimes it feels like words are all I have left.

Some times it feels like in a movie. You know those scenes where a person stands still or does things at a normal rate while the world whizzes by him at an accelerated pace? I feel like that some times.

Trailing off - that's another part of sleep deprivation. Wish me luck. I hope I'll get some rest tonight.

Sleep

2008-04-16T16:50:00.001+03:00

Lately sleep is more on my mind.

Maybe because neither me nor G is getting much sleep, maybe because of the strange dreams, maybe because of the bed/matress shopping we're doing to find the ultimate matress for us both (not an simple task).

So my brain yearns for more sleep, my brows feels like they're hanging by a thread, and every now and then I toy with the idea of crawling under my work desk and curling up in a fetal position, using my bag as a make-shift pillow.

Even with the lack of sleep, I begin my day with a level of energy, kiss G goodbye, plow through the day with ever-decreasing levels of alertness, and drive myself home to slump on the couch in front of the TV or on the swivel chair next to the PC.

I wouldn't go to sleep earlier since I wouldn't be able to fall asleep and also it would make me feel like my life comprise of work and sleep and little else.

Weekends seems to get even busier than weekdays. Family, friends, travelling, errands and so on.

Sipping on my cup of tea and reading what I just wrote it feels a bit petty. But for me, that's one of the advantages of having a blog :) - Venting whatever I want to vent. (within reason)

Till next time, keep well!

April, The month of fools

2008-04-02T14:39:00.007+03:00

There you go!

Told you the couches will come! (this is only the biggest one)

Anyways, April, the month of fools is upon us. To me it signifies many things, which most have gone sour after the death of my brother at the end of this month, 3 years ago.

Deaths seem to mark this month even now, as two known actors (a stage actor died at the age of 77, and an actress and known radio caster died at the age of 58) died yesterday.

I only found out this morning about both of them, and thought it's a shame. They were both vibrant people with plans stretching long ahead and brought much joy to people.
Life seems to be much more fragile than we let ourselves think.. Probably because otherwise we would sink into self-pity and misery.

If you believe in afterlife, you can take comfort at the thought that people like that get a lot of love, and even more so after their death. Many will visit their graves, bring flowers, and pay their respects. They touched many lives and as a result, these souls would want to show their gratitude.

Back to the subject of this post. I wrote "month of fools", even though it's only the first of April that's marked as "Fool's Day".

The origins of the practical jokes and pranks is kind of vague as there is evidence of it existing in several different cultures in several different ways for several different reasons.
For myself I figure that any reason for making people smile and laugh in a harmless way - is a good one. Even if it's silly. (or maybe because..)

So, have a good April, I'll do the best I can with mine.

Cheers!

Welcome!

2008-03-30T16:55:00.002+03:00

This is my new home away from home!
Make yourself comfortable, there are only cardboard boxes around for now, as the comforter couches are en-route and due to arrive in a couple of days at the most! ;)
If you want to have a look at previous posts (and not those from 2004), just head down this address: Blurry Mind and read and enjoy!
I left Tblog simply for the lack of autosave.. the small but so important things in blogging life!
My about box shows info about my late brother.. but this is not the blog about my brother.
If you'd like to read about my brother, you're welcome to visit the memorial blog I opened in his honor and memory: For Tsiki - be warned, it is mostly in hebrew.
I hope my time here will be most fruitful and enjoyable.
Comments are always welcome on my blog. I like reading them, answering them (some times) and returning comments to my fellow bloggers.
What is it all about? the thoughts I fish out of my blurry mind. If I see a movie, think of something, got a grudge to grrr at, or anything else - this is where my e-pen will go.
So, wish my luck, it's a jungle out there!

Searching..

2004-09-12T15:26:00.000+03:00

These days I'm toying with one of my favourite past time activities: thinking how to spend my money on gadgets. I just LOVE gadgets.. :) This time it's a MP3 Player. I had a beautiful MP3CD player http://www.mp3newswire.net/stories/2001/avcsoul.html which worked good once I updated its firmware a couple of times.. So why do I need a new one? Simply, I discovered that my nice player's latch broke for some reason, and it cannot read any CDs now.. Mp3, WMA, Audio - nothing. :( So now I'm on the prowl, looking, comparing, trying to get the best deal I can find. :) This time, I'm looking at Flash based players, that can double as a disk-on-key. As they got no moving parts, and it's based on chips only, It can sustain running, and got a really long battery life.
I'll keep you updated on my search as it progresses.
Have a great day, and Shana Tova!

Beginning

2004-09-11T17:40:00.000+03:00

I'll try and keep this blog updated, but as I'm a person with changing levels of patience, I might go for days without a post. So bear with me. or don't
My name is Oren, I live and work in Israel. Born and raised here all my life.
I moved around (inside of Israel) for quite a bit. I've been living in places such as Ashdod, Ra'anana, Ramat-Gan, Rehovot and a few others. I don't recommend it. it makes it harder to find friends that way..
But that's in the past. These days, I have a job, an apartment, two worried parents (know any two that aren't?), a younger brother (in Thailand at the moment), and an older sister (with a cute new nephew).
That's all for Introductions. I'll elaborate on what this blog will be about in a short time. so check in. you're always invited!