They come to me sometimes unexpectedly, or sometimes triggered or enhanced by an argument or a fight.
Now it's the holidays for the most part. It drops on me like a heavy cloth of thick fabric. Heavy feeling in my chest, smile wiped from my face, feeling like you want to cry, just on the verge of crying.
Some sounds are made sharper, some are swallowed into the background.
All I want is to go home and crawl under a blanket to shut the world away. And I cannot. Life goes on. Work goes on. Got to eat, got to pay expenses. Got to live. Dying is not an option.
