I have been battling with this fatigue for so long. They say that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is diagnosed only after at least 6 months of continued unexplained tiredness and fatigue.
Well, I have been like that for way way way more than half a year. Blood tests show nothing is wrong. Eye tests (so far) show everything's fine. And it makes me wonder sometimes how much of an hypochondriac I must seem to people.
But I know how I feel. and I cannot (I wish I could) shrug it away and get on with my life. It actually affects my life too much to be able to ignore it.
So I continue with tests, and I still go to work because I cannot take too many sick days without losing my job.
And the doctors they don't know. the more time passes the more I see how clueless they really are. Like little boys with toys.
Never been good at those. Probably for lack of experience.
Making mistakes seems to be the thing I do "best" in them.
It's mostly for lack of thinking, or selfishness. I could always blame it on my ADD, but it just doesn't cut it really.
I think it's like a monster in me that's trying to rebel. against what? against conformity maybe. against being tied up or domesticated. and it's not like I'm not. for the most part I am. domesticated that is. damn, it doesnt read that good.
But I do want a place to call home that includes more than just me in it. I want someone to take care of, and that want and does care for and of me.
So I keep on trying, and as I try I still make mistakes, but I also learn. sometimes not fast enough, or not well enough.
