Bubbles in the mould

I sometimes look at people as transparent plastic shapes. They all have bubbles in their mould.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. Hell, I have plenty of bubbles in my mould.

When I write "bubbles in the mould" I refer to imperfections. When a product is manufactured, it is meant to be without any bubbles in it - without any defects that would make it harder to sell. Us humans, we all got bubbles.

Some show their bubbles more than others. Some keep their bubbles deep inside and are sure that they show perfection on the outside.

But no matter how much you try - the bubbles are always there. You can cover them up with happy faces, make-up, money or reputation, but you will always know your own imperfections.

Imperfections can be adorable. Like an inclination to touch one's nose - small and maybe cute quirks. Other imperfections inhibit people. Sometimes consciously, and sometimes not. Like.. speech impairment. Or a crosseyedness that cannot be overlooked by most.

However, people learn to live not only with their own imperfections, but also with those of others. They must, if they want to enjoy any social life.

Of course, it doesn't mean that they ignore them.. only that they keep their views to themselves most times, and accept the person as a whole and not as the sum of his/her imperfections.

Those quirks are mostly easier to tolerate in yourself rather than in others. Unless you are very self critical, you'll always "cut yourself more slack" than to others.

Or in other words, people don't see, or tend to ignore, their own shortcomings, while focusing on those of others. I include myself in "people" too, by the way.

So what can you do when you acknowledge those bubbles? Do you ignore them? accept them? fight them? try and fix them?

Many address them through therapy. Others accept them as a part of their nature, and decide not to try and fight them. Some ignore them completely, and than there are those who spend their entire life fighting their bubbles.

I don't know to say which is the better way. I just handle my bubbles my own way.

Sometimes fighting, sometimes accepting, sometimes ignoring.

Hot Water / Color Red / 2009

We live in an old apartment. As a result, things don't always work as they should..

A "for instance" is the shower. We're not able to have a decent hot shower.. the water is luke-warm and in these winter cold days, this is no fun at all!

You don't really come to appreciate hot water until you miss it. The shower in the morning that wakes you up, the water that cleans you and makes your skin and hair cleaner and nice-smelling..

The Text says "Red Color Real Time". The words "Red Color" are a code name for rocket/bomb/missile alarm. When they're broadcasted on the radio or public speakers, it means that you should take cover in a safe shelter.

So far the rockets hit cities in the south of Israel, and now they started coming closer.. as in my place of work town for instance. Now it's less of a cafeteria talk subject and more of a life threatening issue. To tell the truth, I'm taking it kind of non-shalantly. Maybe in a fatalist kind of way that says "what will happen will happen". It doesn't mean that I don't take care of myself and hid the alarms when they come. It's more that I don't get too scared and worried about it and take it in a more cynical and amused way than anything else.

1/1/2009 - Yesterday we celebrated the change of the gregorian year to 2009. I wish first and foremost, peace and love and prosperity for all. Not just my close and immediate family and friends but also those in the wider circle - old friends, fellow israelis, poor people, and all those who really need it in their lives. I want to give thanks for what I have and been blessed with: Love from my parents, sister, niece and nephew, and of course, my dear girlfriend. Economic stability, which is not to say economic freedom, but still is a LOT to be grateful for. My health and the health of those dear to me. We've been through tragedy and happyness this year, and I hope that even with the state of current events, that 2009 will be a happy and fruitful year.

Happy New Year!

Christmas / חנוכה Hanukkah

The time of Hanukkah & Christmas has come!

Two holy days of light and happiness and giving.

For Jews it's time to remember miracles and triumphs, and for christians it is time to give and receive gifts and bond with one's family.

In jewish tradition, from my own experience, every holiday is an excuse to eat - no matter if it's the traditional dishes or just good food. A lot of people gain extra padding during the holidays and Hannukah is even more so with all the fried goodness it holds :)

Winter amplifies this by pushing you towards hot dishes to keep your insides warm. It also makes you happy and satisfied, so In that respect, it's a good thing.

Back to the main theme - Holidays and especially these two - are a good time to bond with other people - whether it's your significant other, your sister, brother, parents, or simply friends.

To share the warmth, to share the happiness, to be together.

Shake a leg (or maybe better not)

This term has different meanings in the western and eastern cultures.

In the Asian culture, shaking your leg will make your money and/or luck go away.

In the western culture (I think it's mostly in the American sub-culture) it has the same meaning as "break a leg" or simply "good luck!".

I imagine that shaking one's leg would cause your clothes to shake and for your money to fall out (especially when you're a farm worker in the old days in china) and that might explain the Asian source of this expression.

As for the western one - shaking one's leg meant moving about and being busy with something productive - hence one's making his own luck and money.

Me? I'm trying to shake off that habit :)

The Darkness

Days comes and go, and there's a dread inside me. A feeling of futility. Like nothing I do actually matters.

It makes me feel powerless, weak both physically and emotionally. And it builds the darkness inside me. Feeds it. It's a disabling feeling.

At times like these, I feel rage and frustration on one hand, and no will to do anything on the other. Even so, I still have to work, and to handle myself with regard to my surroundings.

I keep fighting it, this diabilitating feeling. Because it makes me want to lose myself and drive people I love away from me. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

The best way to describe this feeling, is how you feel when you're just about to have a good cry. But it stays on the inside.. this wanting to cry, and grows stronger and bigger and choking.

Birth Day

Today I'm 34 years old. It seems old to me, but than again, it seemed old to me when I hit 30..

Some friends ask if I started counting backwards (towards dying). I think everyone begin to do that at one point or another and not necessarily when they actually get old.

I just thought about something - maybe the new layout I chose is due to the feeling of getting old? :D

Naa.. I just like this look. Though, I'll continue to improve on the components.

I still celebrate my birthdays. Some say that after a certain age, when you're a "grown-up" there's no need for celebrations nor gifts. I do not subscribe to this point of view.

Maybe I'm an attention seeker at heart :P

Men Thoughts

I was standing and doing my business today when it suddenly struck me! Men everywhere have been having their quietest, most relaxed and maybe even most productive (thought-wise) moments while standing in a (metaphorical or not) pool of urine someone else left behind and contributing some of their own into a white ceramic bowl!

There's no doubt in my mind that many will disagree with this theory. But I can definitely imagine Newton in the real, uncensored version of how he understood gravity - by watching the drops fall while in this most relaxed mode.

Just a thought.

Lottery

People all over the world try to change their luck every day. Luck for many seems to be associated with how much money you have or how much property you amass.

One of the most common ways of luck changing seems to be lottery. It's not expensive, you control it (to a degree), and you get a piece of paper that gives you hope that your dreams will come true (mostly until the draw that is).

Lottery seems like a easy and fast way to achieve prosperity. The enormeous odds, the chance that you're throwing your money away and making whomever is running the draw rich with no actual compensation - they don't negate the element of hope that you actually pay for when you buy a lottery ticket.

I buy hope too. There's an old joke about a guy who cries to god and whines about never having any luck and never even winning a small sum - god replies by a bellowing voice that says "you have to buy a ticket first!". That's the thing - if you don't give the universe a way to help you - how can you expect it to happen?

Change

I started this post yesterday, but today it gets one more meaning - with the presidential election that entered Barack Obama as the first Black president in the history of the united states.

Congratulations to him, and I hope he'll bring good change to the citizens of the united states.

As for my change, it refers to changes I wish to make in my occupation. I've been staying in a job I don't care much about for financial security for way too long.

When you stay in a place for such reasons, erosion raises its ugly head pretty fast and it affects all areas of life.

Even though I'm not exactly bored in my job, it definitely lacks the ability to excite me and to enrich me. I like some of its aspects, but I am definitely not challenged, and I don't feel like a more challenging version of the same job would make any measurable difference for me.

As a part of my slow move to change, I am taking steps to address my ADD issues, as well as starting to explore the business possibilities out there.

Financial gain is also a reason for wanting this change. Money is a means to an end, and that end is freedom to do what I want and ultimately - not to work unless I feel I'll enjoy it - but not out of necessity.

Wish me luck! :)

Durian Vs. Tehina

Durian Vs. Tehina (or Tahini as some like to call it)

Durian is an asian fruit with soft innards that is considered quite delicious to many asians. However.. most europeans (I.E., me among them) find it's strong smell quite to take (not to mention the taste.

Tehina is a middle-eastern dish that you eat with pita bread (or just bread if no pita is available). It's basically a spread made of ground sesame seeds, water, oil (mostly the sasame oil), lemon, garlic and parsley. I like it much. My girlfriend.. not really.

Differences are what makes us unique. Differences in culture, differences in opinions, differences in tastes and flavors and many other things.

Our differences are a part of what keeps us together. I like one thing, and she likes another. Even if none of us takes to the other's taste, these differences draw us together as they are a part of the attraction.

So, Durians or Tehina? I say both.

Back to work

Back from Singapore and back to work.. what can you do?

3 weeks of vacation, wining'n'dining and seeing the sights and sleeping till late, eating all kinds of foods, travelling a big-ass feris wheel with my girl, and getting burnt in the thai sun, and splashing in the transparent waters of Phi-Phi island.. and now it's back to the trenches for months of work with no parole..

I got no regrets :D Had me lots of fun!

Gonna try and make the best of my weekends, so neither me or G will not get too bored. Plus I got a few plans as to my financial future which I'm checking out. So change is in the air, and I'm sure it's a good one :)

Oh, today I gave blood. I like giving blood. I know it's sort of a weird thing to admit, but I don't care. It makes me feel a bigger person. I give from myself literraly. Not just my good will, but also a piece of me. and that feels good. Knowing that a piece of me is going to help others out there somewhere.

Have a good week, I'm going to try for one myself! :)

Off to Singapore - Tommorow!

Last day of packing before I head off to Singapore!

I managed to battle off a last minute fever and also a very sore neck is getting better. It would have sucked if I had to board a plane being feverish.. especially for a two-leg long flight.

Looking forward to see my girl and growing excited about our 3 week vacation together!

Now all I need is to figure out how I'll stuff all of the things into my suitcase :D

Oh, you're all invited to click on the photo to see it in all its full size glory :) I "borrowed" it from Panoramio.

Goodbye for now!

Rosh Ha'shana - Jewish New Year!

The Jewish New Year is upon us. A time to greet in a new year, take stock of what was and wish and pray for a better (or even better) year to come.

Jews take the happy with the sad, and so, soon after the new year holiday - comes

Yom Kippur, which is the day when the temple for god was destroyed, followed by the need of the jews to seek atonement for their (our) sins - on Yom Kippur.

But back to the new year, it's a time for celebrations, eating sweet foods to promote sweetness in the year to come, and other customs that cleanses the soul and body and help us welcome the new year with a smile and happyness in our hearts.

As in most holidays it's also a time to bond stronger with family and friends. Not just through eating together, but also through companionship and forgiveness for past sins.

May this year be sweet and happy and full of joy to all!

Mandarin Chinese

Over the past months (on and off) I've been picking up a some chinese. Some from my girlfriend, and some from Computer Programs.

However, my hardship in learning and retaining information made it difficult for me to stick to learning and remembering the words.

If I am anything - it's stuborn. As such, I don't intend to let it be. I aim to learn as much chinese as I can until the end of the year.

For that I'm trying Rosetta Stone. It's a program that uses immersion in the language as a part of it's technique to bind you with the language. Once you start the program, all you see and hear is the language you chose, plus photos and such. No english to piggyback you along.

I hope this method will make things easier for me.

As I said, if anything, I am stuborn!

Home Alone

I took G. to the airport last night, and went back to our empty home.

8 months into our life together and she became a big part of my life. It made me sometimes feel like I'm losing myself, and in need of some self defining actions of freedom.

But I am glad she's in my life. And I miss her.

The house is so quiet without her here, and even two weeks seems like a long time to wait till we see each other again.

Life together have their ups and their downs. It takes a lot of compromising and a lot of patience on both sides. I keep working on it, and so does G.

I love and miss you baby.

Farewells

Don't you just hate'em?

It stretches and lingers and you become miserable.

Cats can leave you and not look back. For them you're a servant with food and comforts. Other than that - they don't really need you.

People mostly are not like cats. When we say "goodbye", "see you again", or "farewell" to someone we care about, we hate to see them leave and it's hard to let go - because we (most of us anyways) develop an emotional connection to our friends and loved ones.

On some level I think it's a feeling of loss. You see someone go, and you feel like they're lost to you - even if you know it's only a matter of time until you see them again.

So would I want to be like a cat, or am I happy being a caring human?

I think that the answer to that changes according to occasion. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Emotions can be a burden when they're too dark and/or too hard to handle.

Refrigerators & Black Holes

Looking at the possible end of the world from the "before" side while searching for a new fridge can be a rather philosophical excercise.

On the one hand, we really do need a new fridge. On the other, why buy a new one when it won't arrive on time to enjoy it, and the all search effort might be in vain?

Anyways, I've ordered a new fridge and hopefully it will arrive tommorow or friday!

I now know much more about refrigerators than I cared or thought I would ever know..

Anyone wants a crash course about fridges? :)

Things the world throws on you

It seems that when your life goes into accelerated activity, the universe tends to throw some more activity your way, and it's not always the good kind.

E.g.: You prepare to go on a vacation which will cost you some, so the universe/god/murphy thinks this is a great time to throw some overdue bills your way, break down the fridge (which will make you buy a new one), and have just a few more bits of expenditure - just to make things more interesting.

Is that what they call "The law of attraction"? go into action, and action shall come upon you..

Someone told me once that it's always better to be in motion rather than stand still. Even if you encounter bad luck or other misfortunes, the momentum would always keep you moving and finding new things, meeting new people and living your life to the fullest.

I'm an optimistic fellow, or so I like to think most of the time, so I simply put my trust in the powers that be, and continue with my plans while making the necessary monetary arrangements, because the world will keep on moving to the same place its going no matter if I get pissed and frustrated or happy and content. I choose happy (even if not always content)

:-)

State of Despair

Every day I go to work, as I pull into parking and get out of my car, a wave of despair washes over me.

It matters not what work there is to do, or how long is the day in front of me.

A cloud of depression comes over me and makes the beginning of my day pretty dreary.

So I try to fight it, using caffeine, sugar, forced smiles, but sometimes I think to myself that maybe I'm just not a morning person - on top of not liking my job.

The not liking my job part stems a lot from the wearing out of doing the same kind of work (of the people service and support kind) day in and day out for some years now.

It's taking me nowhere, and until recently I've been feeling like there's no real escape.

Now, since I got myself diagnosed for ADD, there's a little ray of hope - I can actually better my position, I can actually make an attempt at learning something new and not lose interest before a day passes.

So, it this state of despair, there is hope. :)

Focus

I have always found it hard to focus, whether it's at work, studying, or even reading a book to its end - mostly non-fiction books or school material.

Most projects and ideas I had, I didnt finish or gave up on before even starting.

Lack of focus, no concentration, inability to stay "on the ball". My life has been rulled by these issues.

It went on like this for years. Try as I did, with academics, I didnt have the stamina, or patience to study for long, and things I did understand in the classroom didn't hold from day to day.

Never had the patience to sit and do homework for too long. And that is a real dumper when it comes to university studies.. (or any studies, come to think of it)

Last friday, I went and did a test for ADD/ADHD called T.O.V.A

As the test had shown, and as I already figured, it seems I have some form of ADD.

It's good in my eyes, this diagnostic, since it explains my history, as well as offers several routes for treatment and addressing of the problems I had and still have.

It opens a whole range of possibilities to me, leaving me with the decision - what and if I should do something with this knowledge.

This time I can no longer chalk it all down to lazyness, or lack of interest, or anything else. It all comes down to me.